What to expect when you have a teenager at home
Do you remember arguing with your mum, throwing tantrums and condemning your parents and siblings with the words “I hate you all!”? As if these traumas weren’t enough, you also had to deal with acne and unwanted body hair.
Guess what? Nothing’s changed. Well… almost nothing! Teenagers in 2021 face similar challenges as your tormented adolescent self. And you, as a parent, need to be ready for that.
That’s why STELD prepared this article: to help you navigate these turbulent years by reminding you what happens with children during adolescence. We hope that after reading this article, you will better understand their behavior and the normal emotional expressions of the process of adolescence, and be prepared to detect possible red flags.
So, what we need to expect is CHANGES; changes in armonious processes that have been occurring since childhood and now are interrupted. We can not expect balance and equilibrium during adolescence. Actually, if your teenager isn’t making any noise, better be worried!
As we all know, this transition starts with physical and physiological changes, such as hair growth in new places, menstruation, body odor, lower voice in boys, breast growth in girls and hormones taking over the whole system. And when these changes begin, teenagers face several losses.
Teenagers grieve for the loss of their childhood. Parents and people look at and treat them differently and everybody expects them to act in a more mature manner while they are trying so hard to find their new self, a change that impacts on the family dynamic. From one day to the next they get rid of their toys, redecorate their room and maybe get new clothes. Some changes leave us clueless and that’s exactly when we need to stay calm and give them space to find themselves.
They have to grieve for the loss of their child’s body. Their new grown body becomes very important, which explains why they spend hours in front of the mirror, trying to get used to this new body. Arms, legs, hands, and feet grow faster than the rest of their body, which makes them clumsy.
Their mood is more like a rollercoaster than anything else. They can go from happy to anxious to sad to furious in a blink of an eye. We can try to cheer them up and basically fail; but a friend’s message can make their world turn upside down and that’s normal. At this point of the process, they need to develop stronger bonds with friends than with family, because within the group of friends they help each other to build up their new identity.
So yes, they need to grow a bit apart from us. To do so, they stop seeing us as Superman or Wonder Woman. We become human beings with lots of weaknesses and they show no mercy towards us. Then they grieve for the loss of their childhood parents and this is very hard to take.
Luckily the space between them and us isn’t always the same. Sometimes they need to distance themselves from us to explore and find their new identity. Other times, they need to come closer, because they realise they still need us. We just need to be ready to accept and support these vicissitudes.
During their time alone they can be extremely creative. Be prepared to be the parent of a writer, singer, dancer, photographer or a rockstar. Don’t panic, they are just exploring and finding themselves. Please, be supportive! They need the space and freedom to healthily find their way.
But yes, there are exceptions…
If your teenager is always bored, excessively sad, involved in bullying, has suicidal thoughts, struggles with school, has permanent and overwhelming anxiety, sleeping or eating disorders, a loss of interest in activities that he/she used to love, is self-mutilating, engaging in antisocial behavior, using drugs or is engaging in cyber bullying, sexting or excessive use of electronic devices, then your teenager needs help!
If you’re wondering what to do, the answer comes in five letters: STELD!
Do not hesitate to contact us if you’ve read this article and have questions or doubts about your teenager’s adolescence process. We will be delighted to help you find the way.
